Humans are incredibly complex. Trying to navigate differences, remove flaws, and eliminate destructive habits within a relationship makes people feel stuck and potentially like they’re just with the wrong person. Often there are unconscious behaviours passing between couples’ which contribute to re-enacting unsatisfactory and difficult, but familiar relationships from the past. Partners often evolve at different rates and there can be frustration at a partners’ unwillingness to ‘change’.

However, in couple therapy, where there is a mutual desire to work on a relationship, shifting the focus to supporting differentiation - the active, ongoing process of defining self, revealing self, clarifying boundaries, and managing the anxiety that comes from risking either greater intimacy or potential separation, is where lasting relational growth happens.

This process promotes individual growth instead of fixing problems or requesting partners to change, and with this increased emotional muscle, couples can start to build upon their own strengths. With guidance and a trust in the therapeutic relationship, clients can feel safe to let down their guard and stop hiding behind their defensive self-protections of withdrawal or anger based responses. Even in hostile, avoidant, and passive aggressive situations – being able to listen and communicate empathically is the catalyst to transformation. By carefully exploring attachment patterns from childhood and early relationships and connections, clients can map new ones, and have clarity about what their triggers are and subsequently communicate their needs better, in order for them to be met.

Whilst some couples have made every effort to work on their relationship to stay together, sometimes being apart is their only option to move forward. At this painful and sad time, therapy can hold space to facilitate a peaceful end of a relationship. Being able to safely and appropriately express feelings of loss, sadness, anger and grief at the end of relationship, can be a way to promote contained and respectful communication, moving forward. This is particularly helpful in thinking about relationships where children are involved and custody details need to be agreed on.

A 60-minute online or in person session is £120